Will I feel guilty about giving my baby up for adoption?

As you move into considering the option of adoption, it is important that you remember some very important points.

 

First off, you are not giving your baby away or giving her up.  Instead, you are giving your baby more. When you say you are "giving" your baby "up" for adoption, it conveys the message that you don't want your baby or that you want to be rid of your baby. For instance, we often say we are "giving up" caffeine or alcohol. While some of these feelings may be true in some respects, you obviously have a lot of love for this child because you are considering letting her be born. So saying that you are "giving her up" just isn't true. Instead, you are giving your baby more. More love. (Think of it - now there will be 2 families to love this child.) Perhaps there will be more financial support. Maybe there will be more of an opportunity to succeed. You aren't giving up on your child. You are giving him or her more, and it's important to tuck that thought away in the back of your head as you continue to examine adoption.

 

Next, wondering if you will feel guilty also conveys that you are feeling adoption is wrong. After all, you should only feel guilty when you have done something wrong. Instead, however, what you will probably feel is a tremendous sense of loss. Placing your child for adoption is not wrong. With the proper adoption agency and the right family to raise your child, adoption is a wonderful gift for your child, but that doesn't mean that you won't have sadness and experience loss. A good adoption agency will help you through this process of grieving your loss. Placing your child for adoption is a difficult thing, but it is often a better choice for you to grieve this kind of a loss rather than grieve an abortion or parent your child in your current situation.

 

The last point to remember is that your child's adoption does not need to be a closed one. Once you choose the right family and give birth to your baby, you can be as involved as you'd like to be in your child's life. This will help with the feelings of loss that will inevitably develop. It also makes adoption a lot less scary - knowing that you will be able to be around and involved with your child in the way that makes the most sense for you.

 

When you call different adoption agencies to get a feel for their policies, be sure to ask about counseling. It will be so important for you to discuss your fears, your sadness, your anger, and your loss with someone. You can also contact us for one-on-one support as you go through this.